“Eric Castro” by Mariel Campoverdi ‘18. Written for SI Live, and performed February 2018.
You’re eating a sandwich on the third floor.
There’s no one around
And the ceiling is leaking.
Out of the corner of your eye you spot him,
Eric Castro!
He’s looking at you
The middle of the “H” length away.
He gets down on all fours and breaks into a sprint.
He’s gaining on you.
Eric Castro!
You’re looking for the blue side stairs,
But you’re all turned around.
He’s almost upon you now
And you can see there’s a detention slip in his hand.
My god, there’s detention slips everywhere!
Running Club is life
(says Eric Castro).
He’s brandishing a bike.
(It’s Eric Castro)
Lurking in the shadows
Notorious teacher, Eric Castro.
Living in your nightmares,
(Eric Castro)
Failing for sport
(Eric Castro)
Squashing all your dreams
Actual, buzz kill Eric Castro.
Now it’s dark and you seem to have lost him,
But you’re hopelessly lost yourself,
The colored walls are no help.
You creep silently through the halls.
A-ha! In the distance,
A classroom with a light on.
Hope!
You move stealthily towards it,
But your leg! Ah! Ah! It’s caught in a bear trap!
Gnawing off your leg,
(Quiet, quiet.)
Limping toward the classroom,
(Quiet, quiet.)
Now you’re in the doorframe,
Sitting inside, Eric Castro.
Sharpening a pencil,
(Eric Castro)
But he doesn’t hear you enter,
(Eric Castro)
You’re sneaking up behind him.
Tackling teacher Eric Castro.
Fighting for your grade with Eric Castro,
Wrestling an “A” from Eric Castro,
Escaping the classroom.
Safe at last from Eric Castro.
You limp into the dark halls,
Blood oozing from your stump leg.
But you have won.
You have beaten Eric Castro
Wait! He isn’t gone! Castro Cablastro!
There’s fear in your heart, and death in his eyes.
But you know psychology.
Reverse psychology Eric Castro
Legendary fight with Eric Castro
Normal school night for Eric Castro
You try to lock the door on Eric Castro
But blood is draining fast from your stump leg
He tries to block the door, he parries to the left
You counter to the right, you catch him just in time
You’re locking the door now
You have just captured Eric Castro
He bangs on the door, with fury in his eyes
You fall into the stairwell to catch your breath
You’ve just classically conditioned Eric Castro