I received the following email (edited for the sake of anonymity):

My son, X, whom you also taught at SI, recently finished at the Y and joined the workforce at Z in San Francisco. I would like to mark this milestone in his life in a fashion that would help him realize the significance of his full transition into manhood.

Toward this end, I am attempting to put together a dinner at our home in San Francisco on either Thursday, September 27 or Friday, September 28. I am inviting a small number of men who X admires greatly and who have played a significant role in his development and growth. You were, I believe, X’ favorite teacher at SI, and he learned a great deal from you while there. (Interestingly, I also learned many things from you because X would come home and tell me all the interesting things covered in your class that day!)

I hope that each attendee can offer some brief reflections on manhood, some practical advice that could serve X well in the years ahead, and/or some thoughts of a spiritual nature related to the role God has played in their own life journey.

I am not going to tell X about the event in advance. I want the element of surprise to help make the evening more meaningful to X. So please do not mention this to X in the unlikely event that you should interact with him before the date of the event.

Since you are someone whom X looks up to, and you exemplify the values that he will hopefully incorporate into his own life, it would be very meaningful if you could be present for this dinner.

While I am looking forward to an enjoyable evening with a terrific group of guys, this is not meant to be a graduation celebration or a testimonial dinner, although it will hopefully prove to be a very affirming experience for X. My hope is that it will help prepare him for the next phase of his life and provide him with some guidance in the years ahead. I also hope that it will serve as a way to strengthen your relationship with X since you have been an important person in his life and I hope that he will maintain a strong relationship with you in the years ahead.

In 15-years of teaching, it’s interesting to note that this is the very first time the question of manhood has ever come up. I’d never thought about it in my own life, let alone in my role as a teacher!

I went (which, as an aside, is a small miracle in and of itself. I’m far too shy to normally put myself in these sorts of social situations — but it’s a testament to my affection for this student and his sister, whom I had also taught, that I went.) During the speech-making time, I began with an introduction that explained why this was such a difficult topic.

Having gotten married at such a young age, I didn’t feel like that had made me a “man.” Since I’d been working from 18, it wasn’t getting a paycheck that made me feel like a man. It wasn’t when my Dad died, leaving me as the last of our bloodline. Nor was it buying our home. In fact, there hasn’t been a single moment that’s made me realize, “I am now a Man.”

I had then planned to speak about the four following issues (the text below is copied directly from the notecard that I’d prepared to guide my remarks):

1. Have passion.
   Know that it’s Passion which will motivate you; know that it’s Passion that will draw others to you
2. Form your identity around who you are.
   Not what you have, not what you do – not your hobbies, not your job, not what you did in high school (ala Al Bundy)
3. Look beyond yourself.
   It’s the small person who focuses on themself
4. Realize that none of these things are really about being a “Man” – they’re about being a responsible adult member of society

I really only spoke about #2 and #4 because other men at the table had addressed the other areas.

In the end, it was a fascinating experience; I learned a lot from myself, about myself, and from the other men at the table. Parts of the evening were awkward and made the introvert in my uncomfortable, but it was an inspiring and worthwhile evening well-spent in the company of men of Faith.